Ceremony led by Hester Vaizey
― Opening Music ―
“Here Comes the Sun” by Nina Simone
https://open.spotify.com/track/1x9ahz0ALGHgbN9wwDjmre?si=G2QcMfjPTvOl3NzNS3SuBQ
― Welcome ―
We are here today to say goodbye to Muriel, known to some as Pat, who passed last November in the early hours of Tuesday 21st. She leaves behind her children Neville, Michael and Joy, her siblings Joan, Joseph and Laurel, her grandchildren Danny, Darrell, Kylie, Gaia, Rocco and Tyson-James, her step-daughters Natalie and Pascale and families, her extended family in Jamaica and the USA, friends and neighbours.
My name is Hester Vaizey and I am a celebrant for Humanists UK. Muriel was raised as a Christian Methodist and her faith accompanied her throughout her life, Muriel would often find comfort and reassurance reading passages from the bible. Her family felt that a Humanist ceremony would best be able to represent Muriel’s very eclectic life, personality and views, whilst also being true to the fact that Muriel was a person of faith.
Whatever your own beliefs, you are all very welcome here today.
This will be a ceremony for and about Muriel. It is a ceremony for you, as you say farewell, because you are all part of her and her family’s story.
I hope you’ll find comfort in this time together, thinking and talking about Muriel and about the circle of life, love, loss and grief, that is part of all of our lives.
- An Introduction –
‘Sunny’, ‘fun-loving’, ‘affectionate’, ‘complex’, ‘reflective’ and ‘quiet’ with a fiery core, ‘protective’, a bit of a ‘diva’ with an enigmatic smile that made you want to smile; some of the words used to describe Muriel by those who knew her best. In spite of living for most of her life in Britain, Muriel’s ‘Jamaicaness’ was never more on display than when watching an international sports event. For Muriel, there was never any doubt that the Jamaican would win! She was totally convinced Jamaica’s ‘Reggae Boyz’ had a chance of winning the 1998 football World Cup! Usain Bolt, Merlene Ottey, or ‘talents’ from her home parish of St. Andrews, Kingston, kept Muriel riveted to the telly during Olympic Games and she would even do the ‘running arms’ as if she was taking part. Muriel was ALWAYS keen to highlight the cultural global ‘superpower’ of this relatively small island.
Muriel loved going out, especially for a nice meal with her late husband Willy or with friends or family, she was also an excellent cook. It should be noted her culinary talents seem to have naturally re-manifested more through her grandkids, especially Darrell and Tyson-James, rather than in her daughter or son Neville. Muriel would often tease her Italian son-in-law, Andrea, that hers was the best ‘carbonara’ in the world. Though, Muriel’s main ‘foody’ pleasure, apart from a glass of bubbly (or a nice smooth dark rum), was by far Vanilla Ice Cream! Even when illness made eating difficult, she could often be enticed with a spoonful or two and, as her good friend Robert and carers Leea, Samira and Maxine knew all too well, she developed a ‘thing’ for Hobnob biscuits over the last months.
An avid reader – she could easily get through 2 books in a week, and was a quiz show addict and in her prime Muriel was capable of doing the Times crossword start to finish.
Muriel loved to laugh! She could ball her eyes out with laughter watching the silliest cartoons, or ‘cracking up’ watching Mr Bean, the misadventures of ‘Frank Spencer’, or laughing at the pretentiousness of the wonderful Hyacinth Bouquet in “Keeping up Appearances”); however, she was equally ‘guilty’ of giggling unashamedly at a relay racer dropping the baton! She had a wicked and infectious sense of humour!
Music permeated Muriel’s life. She loved listening to music, dancing to music, going to see live music shows and though (according to her closest loved ones) she did not have the greatest singing voice, this did not stop her warbling away. Muriel’s light, laughter and smile, but maybe not her singing, will be sorely missed in this world!
― Thoughts on Life and Death ―
Human life is like a story. It has a beginning, a middle and then it ends – definitively. We all know that in order for there to be life, there must be death. ‘Life is a gift. That is why it is called the present.’ The very reason we must live as full and happy a life as possible, is precisely because we will die.
There is inevitable sadness at the end of the life of a person who played an important part in your own. Grief and loss are painful and difficult to bear. To quote one of Muriel’s favourite ‘personalities’, Her Majesty, the late Queen Elizabeth: “Grief is the Price we pay for having Loved”! But feelings of sadness cannot overshadow the complete picture of a loved one; your lives are impacted and enriched because they lived, leaving you with an enduring and powerful personal legacy to treasure.
Dying itself is part of the continuous, turning, natural cycle in which we are all engaged. We all know we shall die, but though we do not welcome it, seek it or run towards it, no-one need be afraid of it. For some, suffering from illness like Muriel towards the end of her life, there was much needed comfort to be had from a kind and encouraging word from a friend, nurse, carer or neighbour or from receiving a call or visit from a loved one.
Muriel also found solace and comfort to be found in verses from The Bible, including,
Matthew Chapter 11, verse 28: which reads:
‘Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.’
And the second book of Corinthians, Chapter four, versus 16-18:
‘Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal life that far outweighs them all.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary; but what is unseen is eternal.’
Our loved ones will continue to live on in the here and now, through the personal legacy they leave behind, as well as those enduring, fond memories.’
―Poem ―
Gaia Nesi, Muriel’s grand-daughter: will now read the poem: One at Rest by A.J. Stanley
One at Rest
"Think of me as one at rest
for me you should not weep,
I have no pain no troubled thoughts
for I am just asleep.
The living, thinking, me that was,
is now forever still.
And life goes on without me
as time forever will.
If your heart is heavy now
because I’ve gone away,
dwell not long upon it,
for none of us can stay.
To those of you who liked me
I sincerely thank you all,
and to those of you who loved me
I thank you most of all."
* * *
So, let’s turn to the story of Muriel’s life.
― Muriel’s Story―
Muriel Maud Breitschmid, was born in Red Hills, St Andrew’s Parish, Kingston, Jamaica to Bereta and David Salmon. Her mother, Bereta was a parish midwife in the parish of St. Andrews. Muriel’s mother, as a parish midwife meant that she was frequently absent from home, and Muriel spent much time with her beloved maternal grandmother Athelene. Even in her later years, Muriel remembered her parents but especially her grandmother with a great deal of love and affection. Although Muriel’s parents separated when she was a child, she had a happy childhood.
Muriel met her first husband Stanford Taylor and the couple moved to and settled in London a city which they both knew and already had a network of friends and some family. It was in Streatham Hill on Daysbrook Road, where the couple began married life and started raising their children. Muriel alternated between being a full-time mum and a working mum and had a good working life in London. She worked as a secretary for the British Council, for Accurist Watches, for a private investment bank, but one of her favourite jobs was teaching a new form of short-hand for Speedwriting College, close to Bond Street for many years. Muriel was not an unknown figure to classmates at her daughter’s school, as she ran to catch the 159 bus into town in 3 inch high heels; yes, shoes were another of Muriel’s guilty pleasures!
Muriel’s son Neville remembers her as being ‘fiercely protective’ of her children and especially the way she dealt with the infamous (though fortunately) only horrible neighbour, aptly nick-named “Scraggy”! For the sake of the solemnity of the occasion we won’t go into detail, but needless to say a ‘shoe’ played a focal point in this story’s punchline! Muriel for most of her lifetime adored Christmas, putting a monumental amount of effort into making Christmas special, this usually meant not sleeping on Christmas Eve in an effort to make everything perfect. Decorating the tree beautifully, wrapping the presents carefully, finish baking her traditional Jamaican Christmas cake using dried fruits that had been soaking in rum all-year long, preparing the table for a special Christmas breakfast and prepping the most wonderful Christmas dinners. She would often be up when the milkman made his Christmas morning rounds and would offer a quick cup of tea and a chat. In later years, Muriel would spend many Christmases in Ital, where she fit in like a glove. She was not fazed by the seemingly never-ending quantity of food, the multi-conversations at the table that changed subject every 10 minutes; however, she was baffled by how the seemingly family-friendly game of ‘bingo’ resulted in so many fights and shouting then turned into laughter for no apparent reason or resolution!
Although Muriel’s marriage to Stan broke down, she was lucky to meet Willy Breitschmid. Muriel and Willy were the love of each other’s lives and really were two peas in a pod. The couple eventually went to live on Hilton Head Island in South Carolina and it was there that Muriel was probably at her happiest. It was during this time that she had time to practice her old hobbies as she enjoyed drawing and crochet and found new hobbies, namely tennis, golf and even line-dancing with her friend Gloria. Muriel and Willy loved entertaining and welcoming family and friends to stay, cooking and hosting dinner parties and barbecues. They enjoyed travelling around the States and especially spending New Year in Las Vegas - seeing shows - and playing on the slot machines. They also travelled to Hong Kong, Mexico, to Willy’s home country Switzerland and Italy, among other places. After a number of years in Hilton Head, Muriel and Willy returned to London and made a home in Frobisher Court, Sydenham Rise and it was in this very borough that they also got married in the presence of the couple’s daughters Pascale and Natalie, from Willy’s first marriage, and Joy, from Muriel’s first marriage.
Then Willy’s work meant a further change and they moved to Zurich, in Willy’s home country, Switzerland. Muriel adapted well to life in Zurich, despite never getting close to being fluent in German and enjoyed life in this beautiful city. Very sadly, after five years in Zurich, Willy’s health deteriorated quite suddenly, and with much heartbreak to Muriel and to the couples’ families, he passed away on 7th December 2011.
After Willy’s death, Muriel moved back to London where she bravely adjusted to life without her beloved husband and best- friend. This was not easy! At times it was impossible for close family and friends to imagine that she could ever re-build an existence that didn’t include, quite ‘literally’, her other half; especially as Muriel had never lived on her own.
She gradually took solace in spending time with her son Neville, wife Thea and their daughter Kylie, reconnecting with longtime friends Erma, Jenny, Almena, Winston and family friend Beverley, as well as making new friends =Angella, next-door neighbour Robert and getting re-acquainted with old neighbours in Frobisher Court. Above all, she became very well acquainted with Roman life and was a regular ‘special guest’ in Rome, totally spoiling her grandchildren Gaia, Rocco and Tyson-James (TJ) who in her eyes could do NO wrong!
She was a regular lunch partner of her son-in-law Andrea and the memory of them sitting philosophizing till the early morning over drinks in the Amalfi cathedral square will always be remembered. Her Italian family (Simona, Claudio, Alessandra, Marco, Giulia, Marta, Mitzi, Ruben, Carla, Maurizio, Matias and Anita) remember with Muriel much love. They have an everlasting memory of both Willy and Muriel during a New Year’s dinner many years ago; the fact that Muriel did not speak Italian and Licia (her son-in-law’s mother) spoke no English, did not stop the two from talking, smiling and laughing the whole evening much to everyone’s amusement. Back in London, she remained connected and cherished by her step-daughter Natalie and husband Alex who always organized a nice champagne tea or lunch to have a chat and a catch-up. She had long telephone conversations with her sister Joan, her brother Joseph and her niece Laurel and was even active (maybe too active) on Facebook.
Covid lockdowns and the isolation was terrible for Muriel, as it was for many living on their own. It took away the possibility of being visited by her son and family or to travel to visit her family in Italy, to walk in her beloved Horniman Gardens or Dulwich park, have a coffee in Dulwich Village or just to pop onto the bus to go to the shops for a bit of window shopping and social interaction. Muriel did however manage to fit in a couple of drawing lessons at the local Dulwich Picture Gallery, with live nude models between one lockdown and another! (A story for another time).
Thanks to her trio of diabetic nurses, Nurses Simone, Francine and Vicky and their twice daily visits which offered at least some much welcome and needed company and levity; and thanks to friends and neighbours, Robert and Bo, for always checking in on Muriel, giving, socially-distanced-mask-wearing company, even when restrictions meant standing in the corridor while Muriel sat in the living room. These check-ins, visits, prepared meals were so appreciated by Muriel and her family.
The diagnosis of dementia was unexpected as Muriel had always been as sharp as a button. The many changes and challenges this terrible illness brought were tough to see and to experience and were frustrating for Muriel. She got annoyed when she couldn’t answer the quiz show question before the contestants, then roll her eyes when the contestant gave the wrong answer calling them a ‘dumkopf’ [‘dummy’]! But throughout this horrible experience Muriel was touched by the kindness and support and friendship she was shown by her carers Leea, Samira and Maxine, her regular nurses the nurses and auxiliaries who looked after her at Kings College and Lewisham Hospital during the past year, the caring and companionship especially from family friends, Robert, Beverley and Bo and also the many kind words, offers of help and encouragement received by neighbours in Frobisher Court whenever she was able to get out to go for a lunch, or go to her beloved Horniman Gardens to see the flowers and, of course to eat an ice-cream. In the face of this debilitating illness Muriel showed her enormous resilience and notwithstanding everything, this period still holds positive memories and lovely moments.
Moreover, it is not by this illness that a life as full as hers, should be defined! Muriel loved being in the company of others and she was somebody that people had pleasure being around.
Always smiling, even as her health faded and right up to the day that she passed.
Muriel had a full life, and she leaves behind lots of happy memories. Cheerful, fun-loving and affectionate, Muriel will be sorely missed by those who knew her.
― Time for Reflection ―
We will now have a period of reflection. Those who wish to do so may take this opportunity for private prayer. During this time, we will listen to ‘Open My Heart’ by Yolanda Adams one of Muriel’s favourite songs – the song is about finding strength through faith especially when we feel alone or frightened.
― Music ―
"Open My Heart" by Yolanda Adams
https://open.spotify.com/track/4cNbCWPJjLHP5ijow5LbVg?si=woRtJrtgSEOoQcBJMkF6jw
―Poem ―
Before we say our final farewell to Muriel, Neville Taylor will now read
Mum: The One we Knew and Loved by H.L. Marshall
Adapted and read by Neville Taylor
"Mum
Mum, the one we knew and loved,
Mum knew us all and loved us all.
Where now is all that love?
Where now her smile? Where now her frown?
Though tears may fall like raindrops, and hearts are filled with sorrow,
We find solace in the memories, in each bright tomorrow.
So let us hold dear to the moments we shared,
The laughter, the love, the burdens we bared.
Though life’s journey now has ended, and she bid us farewell,
Her spirit lives within us, and the stories we’ll tell.
So let us find comfort in the bonds that never sever,
For love transcends all boundaries and lasts forever.
And though our hearts may ache, and our souls may grieve,
Mum’s spirit lives on, in the memories we weave.
Rest in Peace Mum"
* * *
―Farewell ―
We have now reached the moment of farewell. We have been remembering and celebrating the life of Muriel who in her lifetime was a grand-daughter, daughter, sister, cousin, wife, aunty, mother, grandmother, friend and neighbour.
Not, in sorrow, but with love and affection, we will commit Muriel’s body to its end.
If you are able, please stand as I say together the final words of farewell to Muriel:
“Muriel, as we bid you farewell, thank you for all that you were and all that you gave. Rest in the hearts and minds of all you love and all who love you.”
* * *
―The Lord’s Prayer ―
* * *
― Closing Words ―
Today’s ceremony has brought together people whose lives Muriel touched both directly or indirectly through her family. Her family asked me to thank you for coming today and for all of the kind words and support you have given them.
In closing, some words from the psychologist and educator, James Hemming:
‘The meaning of life is to live it, as wholly as we can, as abundantly as we can, as bravely as we can, here and now, sharing the experience with others, caring for others as we care for ourselves, and accepting our responsibility for leaving the world better than we found it.’
Muriel tried to do that. Perhaps, if she were here, she would tell you to make the most of life and live every day to the fullest, to laugh and probably to enjoy a glass of bubbly!
To those closest to Muriel: you will each have plenty of other memories that you will recall in the days and months and maybe years to come; though a part of your life is gone, it is richer for having known, loved and cared about her.
Do not be scared to experience or to show grief and do not be surprised if grief is an ‘unfamiliar’ emotion.
To quote the author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie from her book –“Notes on Grief”:
“We don’t know how to grieve until we grieve” – there is no wrong or right way, there is no wrong or right time; the sorrow you feel will slowly transform into those evergreen memories that will revive from time to time, reminding you of special moments with Muriel and will make you smile; especially when thinking of her wonderful smile
- Closing -
We close today’s ceremony with ‘Three Little Birds by Bob Marley, with this song we come full circle back to Muriel’s beginnings in Jamaica with one of the most joyous songs ever written, simple but full of hope and joy.
― Music ―
"Three Little Birds" by Bob Marley
https://open.spotify.com/track/7vggqxNKwd6xdRoYS0pQtM?si=mH1lWS-8S6O5f0Extd6S9w
Closure
